Moments of Beauty

Hustling, my mind full of disquiet from accounting for backpacks, shoes, jackets, instruments and three clean-faced boys (Brandt's face doesn't have to be clean at this stage of my day), I backed out of my garage because, once again, we were too late to walk and I would have to drive the kids down the block and around the corner to the school.

At the end of the driveway I froze with my foot on the brake pedal.

"Woah, look!" someone said.

Two enormous hot air balloons were drifting slowly over our neighborhood.  I mean, they were probably normal size, but they looked enormous because they were so low.  Their colors were bright and the morning sun shone behind them.  I became aware of the music that was playing on the radio (Capriccio: Moonlight Music by Richard Strauss).  I started driving down the street toward the balloons, then stopped at the intersection so we could watch their peaceful movement.  We watched the flame ignite under one balloon, then the other, heating the air to prevent their baskets from scraping the tiles on a nearby roof, so it seemed.  Gradually, they grew farther away, and I remembered that the kids would soon be late for school.  I started driving, the song ended, and the moment was past.

***

It was bedtime.  All the boys were upstairs brushing teeth, shoving at each other, laughing, taunting.  Except for Brandt, who was sitting quietly on the dark stairs next to the built-in night light.  I sat down next to him and kissed his round cheek.  He smiled, then looked at the tiny moth that was walking on the glass of the light.  The moth stopped.  

"Look."  He said. "It's a bug."

"A moth." I said.  I watched Brandt as he watched it, his face golden in the light, then I pursed my lips and blew gently at the moth.   My breath ruffled its wings, and it walked along the glass to the edge of the frame until it was partially hidden under it.  

Brandt frowned.  "I wanted to touch it," he said.

Its back half was still visible.  "Touch it." I said.  

Brandt raised his finger and softly touched its wings.  He drew his hand back and smiled and the moth squeezed between the glass and the frame to slip inside to the light.  I grabbed Brandt, hugged and kissed him, and took him up the stairs.

***

I was driving along the back of the grocery store parking lot with my trunk full of fruit and vegetables (and maybe a handful of bulk-bin chocolate-covered raisins) when suddenly a gust of wind picked up  the leaves that were strewn along the ground and lifted them into the air, tossing them across my path.  The sun shone on their lighter under-sides and I felt like I was driving through golden-brown glitter.  Just then a man in a sports car rounded the bend and drove past me.  I looked at his face as he passed.  I was sure he hadn't noticed.

***

I'm trying to pause when they happen, these moments of beauty in my life.  They're often very simple, or happen at inconvenient times.  But they are there.  I hope you see them in your life too.  Life is beautiful.

Predictable Endings

I was putting things away in the kitchen when Dallin, who is eight years old, paused at the counter.

"Mom, how come you always know how books and movies are going to end?" he asked.

"What do you  mean, Dallin?" I asked.

"Like you always know that the good guy will win."  He talked about the protagonist in the book I'm reading aloud to him at bedtime, and how he had known all along he would overcome his obstacles. "It's always like that," he said.

"Are you saying that because you know that in real life, things don't always work out like we think?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said.  "I wish there were more books and movies like that."

We talked about how most people like to have happy endings, but that there are some books and movies without happy endings (which he plans to read/watch).

"Besides," I said.  "In the great story of humankind, we do know the ending already.  When all of this is over, we know that good will win over evil."

"I know," he said, and then he ran off to play.

Lest You Think...

I love reading back over my blog and remembering.  It's fun to see pictures of when my boys were younger, read funny quotes, remember Christmases.

But I was noticing that most of my posts are happy, happy.

Let it be known that I have my sads too.  I have my let-downs, my tantrums, my challenges.

Take today for example.  It was an ordinary day:

I had two kids home with Pinkeye.
One of those two kids refuses to do his business in the toilet and therefore...
One of those two kids ran around the house with a naked bum all day, a desperate tactic.
I have a big zit on my cheek.
I yelled at Caleb this morning.
I felt overwhelmed with upcoming Christmas preparations and activities.
One of the kids needed an emergency bedding wash.
There were already two loads of cold, unfolded laundry piled up.
Brandt and I had a power struggle over him only eating the m&ms in his trail mix.
I gave in.
The aforementioned nuts and raisins were scattered across the kitchen floor.
I got a minor injury on my finger.
I cooked Lime Coconut Curry Chicken over rice and went through the farce of serving it to my family when I knew only Mitch would eat it.
Today when I stepped on the scale it told me that I'm heavier than I've been since I was battling Brandt's baby weight.

But!  On the other hand:
The pink eye is retreating.
The naked-bum tactic really does help!
I apologized to Caleb and we're friends again.
I got our Christmas activities planned for the month of December, and filled our activity advent calendar.
I made a handmade gift for my mom (one for me too).
Bedding and laundry is folded and actually put away.
Brandt and I swept up together.
The rosy hues of the sunset were unreal, and I got to see it because Mitch called me and told me about it on his way home.
Caleb ate all his Coconut Lime Curry Chicken.
I worked out with my husband this morning.
I got to listen to some beautiful music today.
I got Dallin and Adam on the floor rolling with laughter.  They're ticklish.
I helped Adam with his homework.
I put out some beautiful lights around our nativity scene.
My new phone came in the mail.
The dishes are done and tonight I get to go to book club with some amazing, intelligent friends.

I think that when I look back at my life I'll remember mostly the good stuff.  But I think it is good to keep a real perspective too because without a few downs it would be hard to really appreciate the ups.

Backpacking Poetry

Yesterday I sat cross-legged on the floor of our study, listening to the Ravel Piano Concerto http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftJ-gJ-l5HQ
I grabbed a notepad and pencil and wrote this poem.

O, to lie
Under the sky
With my one
And only hon
Twinkle stars
The view is ours
Eat taquitos
(No mosquitos)!
Up with the sun
Time for some fun
Get across
Don't get lost!
Breathe the air
Way up there
Get that shot
(We'd smile a lot).

This goes to show that serious classical music can sometimes inspire goofy poetry.  I imagined it illustrated with simple animated stick figures of Mitch and me: in sleeping bags under twinkling stars, yawning in the rays of the rising sun,  hopping a creek, and waving from the tip-top of a pencil-drawn mountain.  I guess it's time for a backpacking trip!
(Are taquitos considered lightweight backpacking fare)?

Run Forrest, Run!

I am training for this race:

I had always been one of those people who moans and shakes her head at the mere mention of running.  "I hate running," I would say.  "How do people do that?  Why would  you put yourself through that kind of agony when there are other, less torturous ways to exercise?"

I am no longer that person.  How did this conversion come about, you ask?  Okay, I never said I love running, but I no longer hate it.  There are even rare moments when I enjoy it.

What happened?  Baby fat and a bandwagon.  After Brandt was born I just couldn't banish those last ten or...twelve pounds, darn it!  Exercising, trying to eat right weren't cutting it.  I needed a consistent cardio regimen and I knew it.  Then the bandwagon.  My niece invited me to run a 5k with her and some other family members.  I agreed.  There was something about signing up for an organized event, committing, that made me kick it into gear.  I got outside and ran.  I started getting up at 6:00 am and running 3 days a week to train and yes, in the beginning it was agonizing.  But I was building up my stamina and pushing myself  and soon I could go farther and farther.  I set a goal to run the 5k in under 30 minutes and I exceeded my goal by over a minute.  After that race I continued running for exercise and a friend of mine invited me to sign up for the Ragnar.

Training for this race has pushed me farther that I thought I could possibly go.  I have more than doubled my distance and look forward to pushing my record run to 8 miles on Saturday.  That doesn't mean that I look forward to my runs with glee, but running does provide a clarity of mind and a physical release that I've always felt from exercise.  And the best part?  I didn't think I could do it and now I know I can.  It feels so good to exceed my own expectations.  I'm half-way to my weight-loss goal, I feel healthier, and I look forward to some crazy fun come race day.  If I can just find time to squeeze in my training...

Logic Vs. Traditional Christmas Cards

Retrieving the mail is a chore Mitch takes care of.  But when the Christmas cards begin to appear I actually start to look forward to the mail.  I love the family photos, the festive cards and the well wishes.  I tape them on the wall so I can look at them throughout the season. 

But... is the tradition of sending holiday cards dying out?  People keep in touch in so many different ways.  There are tons of funny, touching You Tube videos, ecards, digital picture frames and other options to send and display holiday greetings.  Are the traditional cards necessary anymore?  Why spend the money on cards, photos, and stamps, right?  Besides, it can hardly be considered the "green" thing to do.  Think of all the trees sacrificed!

No, Christmas cards are not necessary.  Yes, they can be expensive.  No, they're not green.  Logic is all against them.  But, dang it, I love them anyway!  I love to open them with my hands, read the messages inside and hang them on my wall.  And I hope they don't go away anytime soon.

That said, logic rules the day around here and we will be sending out an e-greeting this year.  I'm just a little bit sad about that.

Do Hard Things

Yesterday Adam asked Dallin, "Why are you doing that?"
Dallin replied, "I like to do hard things because I get better at them and then I get to like them more."
It stopped me in my tracks.  Yes!  I love that attitude!  Granted, Dallin and Adam were talking about a video game but still.

I'm a firm believer in the value of doing hard things.  When you have to stretch, take a risk, look silly even, that's when you learn.  Just like our muscles get stronger when we do resistance training, we get stronger when we have to work at it.  We gain skills and confidence and we feel empowered to take on life's challenges.  These are things I want for my children.  So go get 'em, kids.  Tackle those hard things in life.  You can do it!

A Mom Who Loves Books

The other day after picking Caleb up from school I drove past our street.  Caleb asked where we were going.  I tossed a granola bar and hand sanitizer over my shoulder and informed him that we were heading to the library.

"Aw, man!" Caleb groaned.
"Why do I have to have a mom who loves books?"

 When we got to the library Caleb went to the shelves and promptly chose seven books to check out.  He read at bedtime for the next three nights without complaint.  

That's why he has a mom who loves books.

And for moments like this...

I have a mom who loves books.  She read aloud to us and took us to the bookmobile every two weeks.  I'm sure it rubbed off on me.  I have learned that reading together sparks the imagination (yes, even in grown-ups!), bridges generations and uplifts us.  It's a quiet snuggle time where our minds and our hearts are engaged together.  It's one of my favorite things to do with my kids and it's worth every late fee I incur at the library.

Today

A few things from today:

Mitch left for work
I slept in until 7:00 am
I made crepes for breakfast
I read a fantastic talk
Brandt needed a bath after breakfast - he had syrup all over his hair
Brandt discovered how to climb on the kitchen chairs, and from there to the top of the table
I unlocked the pantry door to free Dallin's shorts, which were caught
The boys were very excited to play their new Wii game they earned with our summer point system
The kids did a good job on their "homework" and chores
Adam threw a bunch of gravel on the trampoline
Laundry -  I needed some clean unmentionables
I tried two new recipes: Strawberry Meringue Buttercream (too sweet) cupcakes, and my friend Sherri's yummy fruit salad
I made the kids chicken salad sandwiches for lunch
I tidied the house, registered Caleb for music classes, picked up a few groceries
Brandt napped
I fed my facebook addiction (got to do something about that)
I arranged a play date
There were a few fits and arguments between the boys - not too bad
I counted calories; didn't exercise
I plowed through a few pages of Les Miserables (will I ever finish!?)  Love this quote, by the way: "The onward march of the human race requires that the heights around it be ablaze with noble and enduring lessons of courage."   - Victor Hugo
I paid the water bill
I signed a petition
Mitch came home from work just in time for us to host a BBQ for 16
Most everyone went swimming
I shared a YouTube video with a couple of our guests
I ordered some clothes for the kids online, got a smokin' deal (Mitch sniffed it out, of course)
I gave Brandt another bath
Adam stayed clean and dry today.  Yay!
I watched some of the scorpion hunt going on in my backyard.
I read to, sang to, hugged, and prayed with my children and told each one that I love them.

Sometimes I think it's useful to record the happenings of the day so I can feel like I have accomplished something.  It helps to keep me from forgetting the daily details of life, as well as its pace and phases, and from feeling that all the days seem to blur together without much to distinguish them.  Each one is a little different, with its own share of the humdrum, joy, pain, and growth that is part of life.

Reasons to Avoid Exercising

I find that I am adept at finding reasons to avoid exercising. I remember watching a commercial where a woman dressed in leotards got out her exercise ball and weights. Then in the next frame she was lying on the floor with her feet propped on the ball, talking on the phone. There was a caption that went something like this:
"30% of people intending to exercise find a reason not to."
I scoffed at this commercial. Where was the self control? The discipline? The motivation? I think I was in denial.

I don't scoff anymore. In fact, I have begun directing those same questions at myself when, as I prod myself toward my weights, my mind, oh so easily, produces a reason NOT to use them.
Here are some of the reasons I give myself:

In the past I have gotten out of bed early to exercise before the kids wake up (best way to do it!).

Reason #1: Sleep is very important to one's health.

In a physical education class I took in college, I specifically remember the instructor stressing these three points: sleep, diet, and exercise. In that order.

So if I sleep until Adam wakes me up, we launch into the whirlwind of getting kids ready for school, packing lunches, fixing breakfast, etc. When we return home from dropping Dallin and Caleb off at school, that should be prime exercising time. Exercise, shower, go pick up Dallin from preschool. Right?

Reason #2: Exercising takes away from time with my children.

Well, where does that leave Adam for all that time? I'll tell you where it leaves him. On the couch in front of the TV. What kind of a selfish mother would sit her child in front of the TV to spend time for herself?

One great solution for my troubles is to push Adam and Dallin in the stroller and walk Caleb to school.

Reason #3: It's chilly.

(Yes, I know we live in one of the warmest climates in the US. You have permission to scoff).

Reason #4: We don't have time.

The kids are taking a long time to eat breakfast. Someone is sleeping late (see Reason #1 above). I forgot, until the moment we are leaving, to pack Caleb a lunch, etc.

What if I could justify reason #2 and I did my exercising during Adam's nap, while Dallin plays educational computer games?

Reason #5: I like to be showered and dressed in the a.m. preferably with either my hair done or my makeup on.

When I exercise I usually a)sweat enough to require a shower afterwards, and b)perform exercises that require me to wear non-restrictive clothing, aka sweats or stretch pants.

Okay then, I'll exercise around 9:00 p.m. after the kids are in bed.

Reason #6: I am exhausted.

I've had a full day. I've cleaned up mess after mess, paid bills, changed diapers, stood in line at the post office, baked cookies, played Buzz Lightyear vs. Emperor Zurg, pushed kids in the swing, mopped my floors, gone visiting teaching, made dinner, helped with homework, bathed bouncy kids, and read bedtime stories.

Reason #7: This is my only time to myself.

Reason #8: This is my time to spend with my husband.

Let's say that the planets align and the rational part of my mind will not fully accept these reasons. Actually, having put them to words many of them seem a little silly (what's wrong with showering at 2:30 in the afternoon?)
Doubt not, somewhere it will come out that:

Reason #9: I'm feeling under the weather.

I can't breathe out of my nose. My chest is congested. I have a headache.

Or, finally, if all other reasons fail,

Reason #10: I'd rather be sitting at my computer.